We, are not alone.

Hello, everyone... my name is Sarah. I'm a motivational writer who is hoping to help all of you in every way I can.  

I am sorry for how long this post is, but I had a lot to say. So grab a hot drink, or water and get comfy so we can get to know each other a little better. You can, after this, let me know about your own stories in the comments section. No pressure. 

So lets get started shall we?


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When I was 16 and still attending my local high school here in the UK, I never really felt like I could fit in anywhere since I was so quiet and shy all the time. 

My mental illnesses began during that same year, and even though my past is part of why I'm sick.. it was also just bad genetics. I was going to be this way no matter what I did. 

I hated myself, I thought it was all my fault because I allowed people to treat me badly, and I was terrified to stand up for myself. I didn't feel like I had anyone to turn to. I felt scared to even tell my own family because I thought they would send me away to some mental hospital. Basically, I thought the whole world was against me, but in reality? it wasn't. I was just conjuring up scenarios in my head that probably would never even happen.  

I slowly, over the years, became a prisoner to my own mind. I've never been in a coma, but that is what it felt like once I did finally manage to get myself outside. Most things where I lived had changed - New people, new buildings. Was so weird, scary, but I felt safe with my mum being there with me until the panic attacks kicked in and my brain began to panic, "Don't leave home. Don't get in that car. We'll be in a crash and we'll die. Don't. I'm warning you." but I ignored my thoughts and just got in that car before mum drove me to visit my nan. I was proud of myself for dragging myself out. Baby steps. 

It's better to make some progress than none at all. At least I did it.

Before my medication was given to me after they diagnosed me in my mid 20's, I was in this cage, in my head, where I couldn't escape no matter what I tried, and no matter how loud I screamed no one would care, or even be able to hear me. I felt trapped. I began to disconnect from my friends, my family, my life.. even thought about suicide a lot of times. 

With constant attacks of anxiety... I was convinced I was dying of some terminal illness. 

I worried about death, heart attacks, cancer, tumors... you name it, I thought I had it.  I thought the doctors were missing something every time I booked an appointment to see them about new symptoms I was feeling each and every single day. Now I know that all of it was just in my head, and at times.. it still is. 

I stopped going out, I didn't contact anyone on Facebook, I stopped going to college, and then stopped leaving the house altogether. I became such an angry person. I didn't want to talk to anyone at all. I just lay in bed constantly crying and wondering why I had to suffer like this since I've always been a gentle person. I wouldn't hurt an animal or another human being. Ever. 

My childhood was pure and innocent before everything began to get dark and metaphorically speaking, the monsters that I battle every day lurking in the shadows waiting for me. They have names: Anxiety, Depression, and Agoraphobia. Anxiety is their leader, and they all still lurk away from the light I've managed to keep bright from being loved by those I care about. 

I always thought I was just better off dead since I can't do anything for myself. I was, and still am, lacking the motivation to take care of myself like a normal person. No one truly understands what we're going through, no one knows how difficult it is to cope with mental illnesses unless they have them themselves. I felt alone in the world, but luckily I remind myself and always reminded by others that there are people who do actually care and will try to help. 

And you know what? I am here for you too. 

You're not alone, and I know this doesn't make it any easier, but there truly are people who are going through a lot worse, but that still doesn't fix anything for us. I'm unable to work, and when I turn to job centers to help me, they just turn me down and tell me I'm not ill enough, and because I couldn't turn up to their appointment which is pointless anyway, they decided to cancel my claim for ESA (Employment and Support Allowance.) I have frantically been looking for work online, but there is absolutely nothing for me at this stage. I enjoy drawing, painting, Graphic Design, but I am still learning all of them. 

I honestly don't know what to do at the moment, but I will get through it, and you can too. find hobbies that you love so you can keep your mind off of everything, and to keep those monsters from taking over our lives. 

I've always been told that there is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just don't give up on reaching it. 

Bad days don't last forever. They're just temporary.  



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-- If you've managed to read all of this then thank you. Please don't forget to comment and share a link to my blog as I will be making more posts. Won't be as long next time. I promise. 

Have a wonderful day.